he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
