So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
