I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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