Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
