she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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