Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
