woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my shit smells like andre
of course. lets lasso hookers.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We are two peas in an std pod
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
