I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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