ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
