did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
