im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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