Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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