then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
