I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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