I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Randomize
