see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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