so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
