could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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