i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
