...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
