there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
