ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
