He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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