I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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