He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I AM VODKA MAN
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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