That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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