I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
