i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
