OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
