I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
