I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He kissed a someone with a penis
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
