True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
