Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
