I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
