I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
