My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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