i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
