i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
