I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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