good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
