like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
