put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
