awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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