can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
