Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
