That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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