chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
