wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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