The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
