i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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