She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
