Midget sex pt 2 tonight
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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