I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
