We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
