I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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