But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
