finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
