I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
